“How should we split the bills?”
Suze says (on the Suze Orman Show which aired 2007/01/13) this is the most common question she gets from couples. (I’d have thought she’d hear “Should we have separate accounts, or joint?” more, but what do I know.)
For most folks, the default answer to the bill-splitting quandary is 50/50. But Suze suggests that it’s almost never this easy (no kidding!). And that for couples where the two spouses earn significantly different amounts (which would be most couples, probably), splitting the bills 50/50 will almost always lead to resentment and frustration.
Here’s the fictional household setup that Suze presented as an example:
Partner #1 makes $7k/month.
Partner #2 makes $3k/month.
Household expenses total $3k/month.
In the case above, Suze would suggest that the bills be split 70/30, rather than 50/50. This way, each partner/spouse is responsible for an equal percentage of the bills rather than an equal dollar amount. They don’t earn equal dollar amounts, so they shouldn’t pay equal dollar amounts.
After all, paying $1,500 worth of bills (a 50/50 split) drains the $3k earner a lot more, percentage-wise, than it does the $7k earner.
My first thought, of course, is that there are roughly four couples out there making $10k per month and spending only $3k/month, so the example is kind of flimsy in that regard. Numbers like that just ain’t happening for Joe and Jane Sixpack. Still, I recognize that it’s the math that matters.
I’m all for fairness in relationships and finances, and Suze’s idea makes sense to me: Pay the bills in the same percentage that the household income is split. Still, I can already hear the uproar from the “But we’re married, and we’re ONE now!” crowd. “What’s hers is mine, and what’s mine is hers! The only percentage that matters is the one we’re paying on our Discover card!”
And they have a valid case. Really, I think Suze’s point was meant more for non-married couples, but she wasn’t really clear on this. My advice, in any case, would be this:
Just do what works.
And if what you’re doing isn’t working, change it.
Golbguru wrote:
I am glad about “Really, I think Suze’s point was meant more for non-married couples, but she wasn’t really clear on this.”
Married couples doing that sounds pretty ridiculous to me :). But that’s just me…there may be couple who do that ..and I would be very curious as to why anyone couple would split stuff that way.
L. Marie Joseph wrote:
I think to each it’s own!
My husband and I do not do percentages.
Percentages is just plain dumb! in my opinion.
It sounds like more of a roomate plan.
Anonymous wrote:
I agree with Suze’s suggestion at the same time it depends on the couple whether they want to split or not. If any couple want to split the bills then this is the best way to do.
Personal Finance Guide 101
Anonymous wrote:
Are you kidding me…maybe for roommates, but not married couples. Marriage is a 50-50 thing. They have 7k and 3k incomes, they have a 10k family income and 3k family expense. All splitting the bills leads to is an easier split to the marriage.
Jesse wrote:
You’re asking for problems if you’re married and doing this. It’s like you’re only putting one foot in the water or something.
Anonymous wrote:
This is a nice “technical and mathematical” solution but wouldn’t work in a solid marriage.
Group together and set a spending plan is the best solution.
Anonymous wrote:
Suze’s % formula for splitting finances actually SAVED my marriage. Let me explain. I’ve been married for 5 years to a very sweet man, but his behavior around money is erratic and extremely difficult for me to accept. We had only one joint account for years and all of our income went into it and all bills were paid out of it. My husband is not as responsible with money as I am. For example, he has gotten speeding, parking tickets, and is often charged for overloading his luggage at the airport, etc. He just isn’t careful with his money at all. Also, he comes from a large family with lots of siblings and nieces and nephews and insists on buying them gifts for all birthdays and holidays and everything else under the sun, including when they lose their teeth! This has been killing us financially. I come from a small family, so I spend less on gifts. I also make more income than my husband and I was the one taking care of paying all the bills and balancing the checkbook and was frustrated with his irresponsible spending habits. We argued daily about his poor spending habits to the point that he went out and bought a motorcycle without telling me! He claimed he “thought we had the money”. Well, that was the last straw. Before considering a separation from my husband because our finances were so distressing, I finally used Suze’s advice to use our joint account ONLY for shared expenses (such as the mortgage and electric bill), we each contribute the same % of our monthly income PROPORTIONAL to how much we make as individuals, and then we each set up our own baking accounts to manage our own money for personal and incidental expenses. Now, we NEVER argue about money, my husband can spend as much as he wants on his side of the family for gifts and he can buy what he wants without me getting upset. As long as a part of his income goes into the shared expenses with my income….I am happy. He’s happy too now that we can focus on the more important things in our marriage, like falling in love again. Suze’s right! People first, then money. Her advice truly saved our marriage.
Anonymous wrote:
I don;t understand how the majority of you can say that this doesn’t work for married couples, that its a “ROOMATE” plan. The concept is a no brainer…..if I make 5K more than my wife, or vice versa, the one with the bigger salary should assume a higher percentage of bills. How doesn;t that make sense? For a person who makes 10K (monthly) vs a person with 4K (monthly) splitting 2K in bills at 1K each takes a bigger toll on the 4K income than it does the 10K income. Thats only fair.
Anonymous wrote:
To complicate matters futher enter into blended families, should one partner cover the expenses of the other partners children? is that fair? How would you offset that so that it is? That formula would work fine 50/50 for two people, but more tweaking would need done for 4 or more ie. two adults two or more children from either.
Anonymous wrote:
I totally agree with Suze's formula b/c it enables a personal financial independence as well as at the same time it gives a fair share of financial responsibility for each person in marriage. For years, I was pouring my entire salary to our only joint acount, b/c my husband insisted this is the way I must compensate (keep up) my "fair" share to household bills b/c of his 3x higher salary than mine. Turned out, while I was financing our household with ALL my salary, he did "fill in" the remaing rest of budget to be paid, but w/a significantly smaller part of $ on his side -although he makes 3x more than I do , so he still had plenty of $ left to create a few nice & chunky personal accounts on his name only which he refuses to share with me , nor to even talk about them at all. Whenever I wanted to discuss a fair financial coverage/distributions for household basic items , he always said: " Fine, let's do it, but then you have to cover everything by fifty-fifty division, no matter how much (in my case, "little", I'd say-comparing to his $) you earn." So, folks, imagine this: if our monthly mortgage was ,(I simplified the figures,for easier calculating, here) say, $ 3K and my monthly salary was $2K, only, at that time , thus, by strictly 50:50 (w/o huge salary difference consideration on his part), I'd have to come up w/ $ 1.5K just for mortgage !(which w'd leave me with $ 500 left from my $ 2K salary. Then the remaining regular monthly joint bills (utilities, gas, grocery, etc.) would add up , e.g., to $ 2K. Since my hubby has insisted on 50:50 , then I 'd have to provide additional $1K (but remember I only had $500 left out of my salary). So how could I solve this ridiculous financial management scenario ? (maybe, by getting the 2nd job , or what ?) So far, I have always "caved in" , and I have been simply giving him my whole salary as I stated in the beginning.
P.S. I changed jobs as well as careers in the past in order to make more money, but b/c of his particular profession and career path, it is impossible to match his salary by mine. I am however still bargaining with him on this issue, and for my personal financial freedom; also my closest relative-confidante (and no, it is NOT my mother) noticed on her own what's going on, and is "diplomatically" trying to negotiate with him by trying to bring him to some (financial) senses , and husband refuses any counseling, I have also suggested; so I am now running out of ideas . On the contrary- I am actually getting pretty depressed. This has been going on like that for 7 years of our marriage . I have to ask him for 'allowance' if I want to buy a personal item, as I have no money of my own left from my own salary, and it is quite humiliating. I am starting to think, (and I am not the only one) that this is an emotional, mental, and financial abuse and a control issue from my husband's side.I do not even have money to retain a family lawyer as I am running out of coping mechanisms and getting into opposite -being more and more desperate as there is no improvement from his side.We are not big spenders-on the contrary: we buy only general brand food items, and generic prescription medications, we do not go on vacation, he refuses to buy gifts even for his parents, although he bought a nice and expensive foreign car for himself, but mostly drives my hybrid to save on gas, he doesn't want to invite anybody over as he w'd have to provide (and partially pay) for refreshments, he "canceled" our B-days, so he doesn't have to spend any money , etc. (and he gets upset if I insist on buying ,at least, a little something as a reminder for, or going out, for an anniversary). It seems to me as he is turning into a Moliere's main character "The Pennypincher"…. I am sorry, I got carried away – I am afraid this is other subject/issue, quite apart from a financial issue this Blog is about….. Have a nice day.
Anonymous wrote:
I'm confused. Normally I make a lil shy of $100k per yr. I have a two yr old and work PT 16hrs to care for her. we have furloughs now so I make $45k. My husband works from home and takes care of her. This yr he made$300k. He pays household bills. I pay food bills, cell bills, activities for our daughter and learning toys. I also provide health insurance to our family. I pay for my student loans and condo that I had before marriage. My condo is rented for $600 less than expenses. I live paycheck to paycheck. My husband keeps his earnings. He periodically makes comments about my lack of contributing more. I feel bad. Today I noticed I paid at least twice as much of our taxes. Now I feel annoyed, unappreciated, and resentful. To me, this financial situation is like 'roommates'. Everyone out for him/herself. It's sad. Why can't there b an easy obvios solution?
Anonymous wrote:
"I'm confused. Normally I make a lil shy of $100k per yr. I have a two yr old and work PT 16hrs to care for her. we have furloughs now so I make $45k. My husband works from home and takes care of her. This yr he made$300k. He pays household bills. I pay food bills, cell bills, activities for our daughter and learning toys. I also provide health insurance to our family. I pay for my student loans and condo that I had before marriage. My condo is rented for $600 less than expenses. I live paycheck to paycheck. My husband keeps his earnings. He periodically makes comments about my lack of contributing more. I feel bad. Today I noticed I paid at least twice as much of our taxes. Now I feel annoyed, unappreciated, and resentful. To me, this financial situation is like 'roommates'. Everyone out for him/herself. It's sad. Why can't there b an easy obvios solution?"
You did not read this story at all. This is not suggesting 50/50 or breaking the expenses by "you pay the house note, I'll pay the utilities". IF YOU MAKE 1/3 OF THE INCOME, YOU PAY 33% OF THE BILLS. This is not hard people, and there is nothing to resent your loved one for.
Bridget wrote:
I live with my fiance and make more money than he does. I also have rental income from my property that I lived in before we joined in his house. I decided to subtract his paycheck from mine, and give him half of the difference and half of my rental income. This mean we get the same amount of money to spend every month.
Thank, ALL the bills are pooled (including my student loan), and we split them equally. After that we get to split what is left over for personal spending.
This was my idea, and I thought if we didn’t do it this way, I would feel resentful that I always had to pay for everything, and I am sure it probably wouldn’t feel good to him either.
Even though I came up with the plan it is still a little difficult to think I am giving up what used to be a lot of extra monthly money, but I get a lot of benefit from the situation too, like a nice big house and a great husband that I love!
Kim wrote:
I read #10 from May 6, 2009, and I am wondering why you are spending your time typing that instead of looking for a divorce lawyer! RUN!!!
hMy husband and I have argued for our entire ten year marriage about the income and bills. I have recently opened my own account and want to split the bills. I feel they should be split proportionate to income and my husband, who makes over twice what I make, thinks it should be 50/50 and that it isn’t fair that he works harder/more to be “punished” by paying more! Now I am wondering if I should take my advice that I gave #10!
Anonymous wrote:
I believe the 50/50 only works only as “roomates”. If the husband makes double of what the wife makes, the percentage is ideal. Needless to say the wife takes care of the house (including laundry, dishes, grocery/supply shopping, errands for the husband, everyday cleaning, cooking and etc).
Anonymous spouse wrote:
So….to those whom think this is a good method, what happens when your spouses income doesn’t cover his/her “30%” of all the bills? Does he/she take out a loan so that they can cover their 30% – NO of course not! That is why the best solution is a joint account. All the bills are paid and ultimately the higher earner covers much more than their 70% of the bills anyway. It would just be great if the spouse realized and appreciated that his/her spouse is paying much more then their fair share. If the method works for both, then I am all for it, as we used to use the % method until this exact issue arose. The trick is just getting your spouse to understand that you are a family, not a roommate (as some have mentioned).
Anonymous wrote:
I don’t get why percentage method is considered “fair” hear. What someone spends does not have to depend on what they make whatsoever. I believe 50/50 is way more fair if you are splitting money to begin with. If lower-income person cannot afford to make their payment, that means the couple cannot afford that shared expense. It’s that simple. Clearly if the two people split up, the lower-income person could not cover such expense by themselves. In other words, if you consider two people living separately, say each will spend some amount X. If they lived together, there are plenty of savings in housing costs, food, taxes, etc that combined amount is less than 2*X. So, if one of people cannot cover their part of shared expenses – that means they could not survive on the own either, and that expense is just too expensive for the couple to begin with, unless the higher earner decided to “sponsor” it. But just because someone makes more money, it should not obligate them to pay higher part of the shared expenses.
Anonymous wrote:
Percentage method is totally UNFAIR! With split finances, people should pay according to what they spend, not how much they make. And since in marriage noone is going to count how much each person spends on bills / electricity / percentage of the house / etc, it only makes sense to split 50/50. If you think percentage based split is “fair”, how about the following situation:
– spouse A does not work
– spouse B works
According to percentage method, B should pay all expenses and it’s fair. Now, it could be that A is unemployed and can’t find any work. Or it could be that A had so many assets before the marriage that they don’t need to work – they just live on withdrawing from their savings. Either way, they have no income and some savings (whether those savings are big or small). It makes no sense under either of these cases that A should pay nothing. 50/50 is the only split that makes sense. A should be paying 50% from their savings, until (and if) B decides they want to support them – and that’s what it would be – support.
Clearly, it also implies all responsibilities around the household should also then be split 50-50 or in some “convenient” way for both spouses (not that one spouse having to do all the work around the house while contributing 50% of the bills).
GA Peach wrote:
Next week will be 4yrs my husband I have been married. Because my income has always been substantially higher than his and the home we live in I purchased before we married, the percentage method has always been used. Just because one method works this year doesn’t mean it will work next yr. Budgets/Expenses should be reviewed on a regular basis (quarterly, semi-annual, annual) because financial situtations can change just as frequently. If the % method is used, each yr the % method is reviewed, when the lesser paying spouse gets a raise their contribution % increases and the % of the higher contributer descreases. Its a method designed to adjust as your income changes. At some point, if the lesser contributing spouse consistently receives increases you can eventually reach a 50/50 of the bills. Our problem is that when my husbands income did increase, we did not re-evaluate and two yrs pass without increasing is contribution. I then discovered how wasteful he had been during this time and that he created debt. Of course the debt is in his name only, but whenever we want to vacation together or plan for the future (a new home in both our names) he has no savings to speak of. I then told him if he is going to waste his increases on nohting he should just contribute that money to the household. (throwing % out the window and used the 50/50) This has created a problem because he has the new debt and we have a baby on the way. I’m currently re-evaluating because a unhappy wife or unhappy husnabd doesn’t make a happy life. My income is increased at a pace much faster than his and other than the mortgage my debt is 0. What he contributes to he would not pay as a single man. He would not be able to afford it. But nor would his living conditions be as comfortable as they are now. 50/50 is for roommates, not husband and wife. We are SUPPOSED to take care of each other. The % method supports that idea.
GA Peach wrote:
one last thought…in the case of income loss (no salary or unemployment ins chk), the earning spouse should pay, must pay 100%. If a spouse is a trust fund baby or small savings, 50/50 split. income is income. if trust baby is considered rich, they pay 100%.everyone should be working if physically/mentally able. by expenses i mean houeshold bills. debt in your name, you pay. trips to nail shop, you pay. your personal care expenses you pay your own.
Anonymous wrote:
To GA Peach: if higher-income person wants conditions that are more comfortable than lower-income earner can afford, then yes, higher-income earner should pay more. Actually, let me rephrase this – if ANY one person wants conditions that are more comfortable than their spouse feels they can afford, then the first one must pay more (even if they make less money)… because after all – that’s what they want or insist on, etc.
But if both are comfortable with common expenses, 50/50 is the most fair method, not the percentage one.
% or 50/50 method are both about finding some way to split expenses. Neither one means you care for your spouse more or less. If you want to make that argument, just share everything and take of each other in that way; if you view financial support as part of “true” caring for your partner. But once you start having some accounts as “mine” or “yours”, paying for expenses should be based on what you actually consume, not how much you happen to earn or withdraw from you savings accounts.
P.S. Your statement that once someone has something in savings account, they should switch to 50/50 contradicts your own situation – you clearly have some savings and your husband does not. So according to your own statement, you should switch to 50/50 method…
M in NE wrote:
I have a question – what about a blended marriage? Then how do you split the bills and consider it “equal”? Here’s the situation – my 17 yr. old daughter from my previous marriage lives with me, my fiance, and OUR 3 yr. old son. My two older boys come here on the weekends and 6 weeks in the summer. His daughter is supposed to be here on weekends and during the summer, but hasn’t in the last 6 months (she’s a teen – long story). Right now we have a joint checking for household bills and groceries that we each put 50/50 in. He has been paying the mortgage, taxes, insurance on house, and our son’s daycare expense. We both work 40 hours a week. I pay for my and my daughter’s vehicles (and she pays for most of her vehicle expenses). He gets upset and says that I should probably pay more for the water & electricity, because of my daughters laundry (although she only washes 3 loads a week-small loads!). He claims our son for taxes, I claim my daughter. I feel that we should probably add the house payments and daycare to the joint checking account for bills, and I therefore pay my approximately 33%, but then I don’t know if that will leave anything left over for me for basic things like vehicle expenses (gas, oil changes, insurance, repairs), and other basics, like hair care, makeup, etc. It’s a very difficult situation. Oh, and then there’s the fact that “my” vehicle gets used as a family vehicle – so then shuoldn’t he be liable for part of the expenses? If anyone has any ideas, please let me know.
GAJANE wrote:
My son just recently got married. My son’s wife basically lived with us for 8 years. She was very aware of his income and school loans. She makes twice as much as him. They have separate accounts and they split the bills 50/50. My son is not making it at all and will not (because of pride) talk to his wife about this situation. Could you help in giving me advice as to how to talk to him.
Danni wrote:
I don’t understand how you guys and girls can say that this is a “roomate” plan? This is why so many people end up getting divorced and end up with one person walking away with their life in financial shambles. When you are married it does not mean the person with the most income should pay for the majority of the living expenses! This is why so many couples lost their homes, cars and everything else when the economy went downhill. If you live off the highest income in your home you are setting yourself up for failure. If the person with the higher income loses their job in a market that is not hiring you will have too many open lines of debt for the person with the lowest income to handle. Trust me I just watched it happen to several of my clients and day after day I watched their families fall apart. Some people were on the street because they did not live within a comfortable range of BOTH incomes! This is exactly what this plan will prevent. Use it learn from it and stop living above your means.
jen wrote:
I think this is a great plan. I am married and when we both have an income, I’d rather pay a percentage rather than half or more of my paycheck; as people want to have leftover money to spend on personal items; especially if your accounts are separate. so you can’t say “i paid all the bills and you are spending more money than me on clothing, toys, hobbies, etc.”
jen wrote:
also, we are living paycheck to paycheck with no trust funds or savings income.
Mark wrote:
First things first. Anyone who marries someone that earns much much less than them is taking a BIG risk when you look at the court system. It is better and less risky to marry someone closer to your income level if you earn a high income.
Having said that, Suzy’s method is the method that me and my wife use. We split the bills 60/40 and we each have our own bank accounts and one joint account. We have been married over 10 years so this method seems to work. We have one child but pretty much split all of the activities and appointments for our child since I have more flexibility and a much shorter commute to my job.
We never thought of it as a roommate plan and it was discussed before we walked the aisle.
moe miller wrote:
Well i have a different situation,see my husband pays the homeowner insurance and had my name tooked off the policy, but i have contents in the house and i know that we suppose to be as one, but he’s unfair when it comes to money. We recently had a fire and the curtains needed to be clean and he wouldnt give the amount that the insurance company gave for the curtains. So i wanted to know can i get insurance of my own so that the things purchase would get replaced?
Forum - Finances....what is fair? wrote:
[…] Man, struck a chord. Same thing–AH totally irresponsible with finances, so I too have had my own account and pay the bills. Since I've gone on my little separation, I've ignored bills that don't affect me or my credit rating. I figure if they turn off the heat, he'll pay it. So that's what's happened. The wireless phone service got shut off, and he had to pay it. Man, what a stink! He sent an email to the whole family (a couple of our kids are still on the family plan–it's only $30 extra), complaining about "I can't pay these bills"–what? ONE bill? So when we talked on the phone and he was b*tching and complaining, I said, "Yeah, some bills are really painful to pay. I know how you feel. You know what bills are painful for me? The leasing and commercial loans" (Those are his business bills that I pay because their on my credit and the house is attached to them). That shut him up, and he even said sheepishly, "Yeah, we should talk about that." I'm not holding my breath. Anyway, if you're looking for a "fair" and objective resolution, try Suze Orman's plan–except don't have a joint account. I'm kind of doing that. Suze Orman: How to Split Bills @ MoneyMusings.com […]
Elizabeth A. wrote:
How would you suggest the household expenses be split in the case of a second marriage where:
– I (the wife) own a home (still paying a mortgage on it)
– have 2 children aged 16 and 13 from previous marriage
– have a 9 month old from this marriage
– he has 2 children from previous marriage aged 15 and 11 who do not live with us
This is causing alot of grief and a possible breakup.
Your valuable advise appreciated!
Jennifer ONeil wrote:
I ready about this procedure before and me and my boyfriend are going to start it. We are both going to contribute the same amount every pay period into a joint account for the (major bills – rent, electric & water) and then this way we are sure that they get paid. We will them be responsible for our own individual bills.
Anonymous wrote:
My husband and I have separated finances recently due to some common frustrations and he recently heard Suze talk about this method on TV. I feel that it is fair, with some exceptions. I earn significantly more money and as a result I incur a greater share of the tax burden as well as some expenses specific to my job – suits, drycleaning, business lunches. He wears his regular clothes to work while I have an entire separate wardrobe and shoes to maintain, at great expense. I think the formula needs to be adjusted for net income minus any expenses that are incurred because of the position you have at work.
Scott wrote:
After reading these comments, it’s no wonder the divorce rate is climbing higher all the time. You people put so much effort and thought into what’s ‘mine’ and what your spouse is taking from you. Good grief. It’s marriage. You guys just need to sit down with each other, put all the money in a joint account, and selflessly love each other with your money. The decisions you make are for you both. So stop treating it like he has his and she has hers (or to use more inclusive language he has his and he has his or she has hers and she has hers). What happened to the word ‘ours’?
Lucy wrote:
Elizabeth A:
Your bills are now both of your bills. If he agree to marry you, he knew that kids cam along with it. So add up all of your bills: the expenses for the kids that live with you and the child support for the kids that don’t, the house you both live in, the food you all eat, etc. Then divide it based on these percentages.
For those of you hand-wringing about not loving eachother enough to combine finances: I like buying dresses and not having to clear it with my husband. I like buying him presents in secret. I like not worrying that he tapped into our needed money because we bought a video game. If I need him to cover expenses he will. If he needs me to buy him lunch I will, without resentment. This is just easier for us.
For those who think you should split 50/50 regardless of income: What a great way to create deep-seeded resentment between you and your spouse. If at the end of the month my husband has a ton of money left over to buy himself toys or go out with his friends and I’m scrimping and saving for a skirt from H&M, I’m going to feel pretty cheated in our relationship.
Randy Ansari wrote:
Hey guys,
You can use a web-app like http://www.Wesplit.it to keep track of shared bills and expenses. I’ve been using it for a few months now and its really simple to use and moreover its free as well! Give it a try and it will definitely help you out!
R
Andrea wrote:
I totally agree with Suze’s method. It prevents resentment down the line. Even if you SAY it won’t bother you, it will creep up eventually in the 50/50 method. The percentage method that Suzette is talking about just makes sense. My fiancee and I use it with just a little math and talking. It’s not a big deal and it actually makes things easier. And here’s the important thing: you only put your percentage of the monthly bills into the joint account. If we need “X” amount of money a month for our mortgage, our electric bill, our groceries, our pet supplies, our dinners out on the town, etc, then we each put our percentage into our joint account and use that. If either of us wants to take the other out on a special date and pay for it, we do it w our own money from our own separate checking account. We also buy the electronics we want (I.e. Kindle, IPad, stereo, etc) with our own money, and things like CDs and clothes. We have two cars that we ride in equally. We pay for gas out of our joint account, and she pays for her car payment out of her own money, since I have already paid off my car. It’s really not that difficult. And it takes just a few minutes of sitting down, turning off the distractions, and talking about your joint goals and a budget, and how you’re going to maintain that together.
Alona wrote:
I totally agree and love Suze’s formula. Husband and wife have different needs and spending habits, some are good with saving money and some are not. If a partner manages the budget and the other one gets an allowance monthly and does not see the monthly expenses, more likely the one that manages the budget will not get a budget for her allowance will go back into the general fund to be able to manage the bills. My husband and I will be retiring soon and I will follow Suze’s
method this time, that way I can enjoy life and not worry about managing bills. My husband can do what ever he wants with his pension as long as he pays his share for our monthly bills and he takes care of his own expenses like golfing, dining out with his friends or giving gifts to his relatives and I will take care of my own personal expenses too.
Thanks to Suze, love her show and I watch it every Saturday and bought some of her books too. I was able to help a lot of friends, co-workers and my kids now are ages 30 and 31 always ask me first for advice before they purchase anything. They call me Jr. Suze.
Heidi wrote:
I have been married 25 years, and I have been through alot financially with my husband. I have been a stay at home mother, earned more than him, earned less then him, he has been stay at home father (unwillingly) and we currently earn almost equal amounts. There is only one way to do thing financially. No 50/50, 70/30, nada, no, no way. A joint account. All the bills are paid, all the groceries are purchased, all the kids needs, all regular things such as hair cuts and all home and car repairs, tags etc are taken care of first, then anything that can be put into savings is done, then if there is a major family/home purchase wanted or needed is discussed and made or not made, then anything that is left is split for purchases that are individual wants. If you go out to dinner together that comes out of joint funds, unless the spouse it taking you out for birthday or something special. If you put everything together and split the leftovers equally there is no room for resentment. If my husband wants or needs something extra and I don’t I am just as likely to give my spending money to him, he will do the same for me. If money isn’t a tool, it becomes a weapon. Money is the least important thing to us, it pays the bills and buys the food, we have some for fun things that we do together. Yes sometimes we still argue a little about it, but in the end we still have to pay the bills. We do it together and that is what matters.
Tracy wrote:
Actually, this is great, however change the 70% to 30% because 7000/10000 is 30%… Therefore, both parties are only paying 30% of their net pay. Great advice Suze…
Tracy wrote:
Oops disregard, last post; See example below.
Income $10000
Bills $3000
Spouse 1 = $7000
Spouse 2 = $3000
3000 bills/10000 total income = 30%
7000 spouse 1 income*30% = $2100
3000 spouse 2 income*30% = $900
Shanna wrote:
I think this is great! I make a lot more than my husband and the last thing I need him to feel like is a failure because he can’t pay 1/2 the bills. He just gives me the check! I spend it as shopping $ and I pay all the bills. That was not fair to my husband!! I did the percentage thing and gave him a little something back. He’s not a total sam sausagehead I know about his secret account but I will keep that to myself! He deserves more!!! Thanks Sue!
Barb wrote:
I think this would be the best scenario for my husband and myself. I have been a stay-at-home Mom for years and now I have a new job making about 30 percent of the household income. He will have lots more spending money than I will and there’s not much chance he will share. But, over the years I’ve had to beg to get the simplest of needs-like glasses as I’m severely nearsighted. You would have thought the $100 co-pay after years of wearing scratched glasses was asking him for his entire retirement account.
I really can’t wait to get to work. Even if I just have $20 per week left over, it’s $20 he never would have given me.
Financially Frustrated wrote:
I searched this issue for some solutions. Appears I’m in good company. My husband didn’t have so much as a savings acct when we began dating. When we became serious and planned to marry, I helped him get his financial house in order. When I came into large amts of $, I would add to his primary savings, which was joint. He was so appreciative of that that we joined all of our accts before we were married – had our own primary accts that we used but all being joint. Well, after three short years of marriage and he’s making more income, he has forgotten all about his humble beginnings. Let’s not forgot that I single-handedly put his portfolio together, searched for jobs, filled out the applications and everything besides went on the actual job interview for him; but now he’s big time. We recently moved out of the house I had already acquired before our marriage and into a larger house with a heftier mortgage. I’m a commissioned employee. My commissions have decreased because of the increased responsibilities I’ve taken at home — one significant duty is taking care of his son who recently came to live with us. He got mad with me and opened up separate accts and only puts the $ for the mortgage in the joint acct. He now wants to split bills 50/50 when that’s not even the way we began. I’m spending all of my income on the other household bills, groceries, toiletries and personal bills – like credit cards that I’d had paid down until he was out of work a couple months and we ran them up with our living expenses, paying insurance etc. He’s forgotten all of that. He’s never established credit so he didn’t have any. We’re only in this house due to my savings and credit along with his “increased income.” I didn’t even have $ for gas to travel to work last week. I had to borrow $ from a friend because hubby said he didn’t have anything. I knew that was a big lie. I walked in on him checking his acct & verified my suspicions. He’s hoarding his $. Only reason I’m struggling so bad now is because he hasn’t even paid me back $ like he promised when I helped him out several times for big ticket expenses. I don’t believe in married couples borrowing from each other, but I really didn’t have it to give because it was acct’d for. I feel like I’ve been taken cold stone advantage of. Split 50/50 when he makes more than me and I do more than him???? That’s a joke. I get up and fix breakfast and lunch. He comes home to dinner and a clean house every night. You’ve got to be kidding me. I’ll divorce him and get a ROOMATE before I do that….
Financially Frustrated wrote:
#38 your situation is exactly how I envisioned marriage. We even discussed it in premarital counseling. I think my husband just agreed with everything to get me to say, I do. He had no intentions of abiding by anything. I’ve been hoodwinked, bamboozled, run a muck, led a stray…..
Heather wrote:
This actually helped our marriage. Of course when we were first married, we pooled all of our money together and over time we acquired more expenses and had a few children. Money got tighter and tighter and we were both resenting each other about not having a personal cash allowance. I always paid the bills and gave him money for gas and that was it…but in his mind I would squander the rest away. He didn’t realize how quickly money can be gone, especially when you get paid once a month. We were on the verge of separation when we decided to try out separate accounts. He makes more but we worked it out to be at the end of the month we both had the same amount in extra cash. We both actually have savings accounts and have the ability to sometimes surprise each other with gifts. It has been the best decision we have ever made. Not everyone is the same…not all couples can manage to live happily with the mentality of “whats yours is mine/mine is yours” You have to do what works for you!
Robert wrote:
The real problem in dealing with finances in marriage is that each person can have different priorities. My wife feels that she and our kids need 2 – 3 times as many clothes as I feel is necessary. Even with getting good bargains, she feels it is more important to have a lot than I do. At the same time, I’m sure she can’t see why I need a new “toy” (guitar, etc). She is college educated and has refused to seek a better job or to work full time. Keep in mind I make 85% of the household income. I work from home and the “kids” are teenagers. We are slowly working out the issues, but my point is that when there is disparity in incomes, it is easy to have issues with finances. There must be transparency and communication (agreement to philosophy in setting budgets). In the end, marriage is imperfect as humans are. Just be glad you’re not single and paying a lot more in taxes.
enigma1364 wrote:
I have read all of the comments and feel that as a couple you stand together and divided you fall, in everything. A marriage is a UNION of two people for one purpose. You should support each other in good times and most definetley in bad. For someone to shrug off a spouses concerns about them not being able to pay the bills thay have been assigned and let them use a credit card to get by each month is cold, callous and in my mind NOT a marriage. I feel the bills should be paid from a pooling of incomes, and what is left is for both to enjoy, together and without question. It amazes me that marriages can and do exist with a situation of this is mine and thats yours, as a society, have we become so paranoid, so materialistic and so greedy that we have to protect “what’s mine”? anything less is a friends with benefits arrangement.
Alexandra wrote:
My question: I married a man who owns his own home and has 3 children. His mother lives with us; she is 70 years old and is no help around the house. Recently, my husband’s 16 year son moved in wih us permantely. The boy’s mother refused to pay child support and if my husband choses to, he will need to have to request from the court child support for that one child, meanwhile he is a very good Father pays his child support for the other two children and always get the necessary extra and luxuries.
However… My husband feels that I should be paying 1/2 of the entire bills of the house. The house is not mine and really every child, plus his mother has their own room. The house is at maxiumum capactity. I spent the last 3 years cleaning, organizing, decorating, etc., I give my husband about $1100 a month (this includes groceries, utlity, etc). I pay for the annual car insurance.
His mother never worked so has a limited income. My parents always worked and my family nor I are a financial burden on my husband, ie. I give my husband money, he does not support me or even pay for a manicure of mine. I have a house-keeper that I pay for and do most of the cooking.
I don’t feel comfortable inviting friends or family to the house because his kids/mother; feel very territorial. It’s uncomfortable but I have accepted my fate. I explained to my husband that his responsible for his own mother and children; that I do not have to incur their expense. It has nothing to do with me. I was overly generous at one point and when I felt I was over-spending and wanted to discuss it with my husband, he called me a liar and now requires a monthly sheet to make sure how much I spend. He wanted a pre-nup two weeks before our wedding mostly to secure his house. I feell used and the only thing my husband complains about me is that I don’t give him enough money. Any advise. Btw, we make an equal amount.
Glenna Goodwin wrote:
Dear Suzie,
Help! This is a second marriage, I am 82 & he is 79. Each of us have in excess of a million dollars in assets, however, he has more than I do and his income is greater. I will lose $7000 the first year because of the decrease in S.S., he has said he will put the difference in an account for me but if I sell my house and put the money on interest then I should put that interest into this account or if I rent it anything above my expenses should go into this account, reducing or possibly eliminating his money in the account. He also expects me to pay for half the wedding and the honeymoon and pay half of the expenses at his house, where we will live. Since he has more money than I do in assets and income I think I should not have to pay half of anything. I really thought he was paying for the wedding and honeymoon so this comes as a surprise to me. If I didn’t have this very nice engagement ring from him I would call the whole thing off but I feel bad that he wouldn’t get the money back for the ring that he paid for it. I am concerned about spending out of my principal because there is always this not knowing how much I will need until I die. Please help us find our way. Thank you. Glenna
mae wrote:
My husband and I both pay our own personal bills such as charge accounts. My husband makes $4500 a month which includes social security, pension, part time pay. He also has a lawn service which he says that is his money to buy the things he wants and is not included in the $4500. I have $2500 coming in total which includes social security and pension. With his salary I should not have to pay any household bills since I am responsible for washing and keeping his clothing clean for his part time and lawn service job. All household chores are done by me(cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing,book keeping, painting, shampooing carpets,ironing,etc.He still wants me to pay half of our $2100 a month bills.We sat down and worked out a plan where he will pay 80% of the bills while I will pay 20%. It leaves him with over $3000 left plus whatever he makes from the lawn service. I have approximately $2050 left. And he still does not like this method. I told him I should not be living like a pauper while he lives the rich life. We are married and should have each other’s back.
Tina wrote:
I am about at my witts end on this issue. My husband also wants us to split bills 50/50 regardless of income. He insists that nothing else is more fair. I hate it, it’s very stressful for me but he does not care what I think. I am afraid it has us on a one way track to divorce court.
Ashley Sovie wrote:
I don’t think anyone is going to have the RIGHT answer here… there is probably more than one right answer depending on the couple. It’s what works best for YOU. The number one issue most married couples fight about is money so while some people may be able to lump all of their money together, others may not feel so comfortable with that. Personally, my husband and I fought over money constantly when we had a joint account. I was so mad he was burning up money buying cigarettes and he was angry I was buying 4.00 coffees so we split up our accounts and for a couple of years we’ve divided the bills 50/50. That really is no longer working as we can now see that in doing this he can make 105k a year and pay bills with ease, and I make 60k a year and struggle. It does cause resentment. Especially when I’ve had the opportunity to take better paying jobs but he relies on me to take care of the kids in the evenings so he can work his crazy hours to make commission. We are now doing the percentage way of paying and I feel like this is completely “fair”. It works for us. But each couple is different. Nothing is set in stone people, try one way and if it doesn’t work do something else.
Kary Pastick wrote:
Thanks for this. Always nice to hear ideas from Suze.
Lcruisader wrote:
Using Suze’s plan, how would unexpected expenses get paid for? If the air conditioner breaks in dead of a hot summer for example on the family home? Or expenses for a first child? My reasoning concludes: use Suze’s formula, but exaggerate the percentages so each spouse gets less to ‘play with’ and more goes into the joint account for the family and unexpected. Well, what what do you think?
none wrote:
The problem here is that many people commenting don’t understand basic math. This is obviously the fairest approach, mathematically speaking. It is quite the opposite of the roommate situation. Whether or not my roommate works he is expected to come up with his HALF of the rent and utilities.
When you’re in a relationship you’re expanding that to include income as well as expenses.
To the people arguing you should pool your income and go 50/50, quit arguing. You’re saying the same thing. In the example above if you pool your income you get 10K, with 3K bills paid. The math is the same. Relax people.
Trevor Phillips wrote:
I thought I was doing a percentage split with my wife (I earn £41000 a year, she is self employed and her ‘company profit’ was £14000 a year). My take home pay, after taxes and pension, is £2356 per month. My wife’s ‘company profit’ take home was supposedly £1166 a month and we worked out a percentage split of £1190 to £595 with the contributions. It turns out her figure was much less than she actually takes home (calculated by her accountant as a taxable figure). She has actually been taking home £1650 a month. I feel utterly conned, but she sees nothing wrong with this. I have really struggled over the last few years and this is almost the final straw. If she paid 50/50, she wouldn’t make it financially, I have always favoured a percentage split as this seems fairer- but only if a self employed partner gives an honest figure that they earn!
Lizzie wrote:
I agree with what several people have said – it’s whatever works for each couple. I have been married for 2 years and I take home about double what my husband does, but I also have considerably more “non-household” outgoings than him, mainly to do with bringing up a daughter by myself, who is now at university but also other things like petrol (I commute) and clothes. I have used a similar percentage calculation to work out what would be fair to both of us, adjusted slightly to take account of my extra outgoings. It works out that I pay about 60% of the shared household bills and he pays 40% and I pay for my daughter’s rent etc. separately. I probably end up with slightly more spare cash each month but I think it’s fair in the circumstances. At any rate, it’s working for us – neither of us feels resentful that one person is paying too much or too little.
jan wrote:
I think this is useless if couples have joined their income, which is the usual practice here in philippines. But for me, I have already thought of this before i’ve read this ( my husband and i are math majors btw). we haven’t joined our incomes yet so that we have our own money to spend at our own discretion. As long as the couple agrees to this kind of arrangement, there’s no reason for conflict. I’m using this formula
x =budget or bills/(income_husband+income_wife)
the x gives the fraction. just multiply this fraction to your income to know your share/contribution. Equal percentage is fair, the other is not.
Candy Race wrote:
It is taking me time to read through the comments. But this whole conversation is perplexing. I get the percentage thing. But what about the additional expectations of the women cooking, cleaning, laundry and provide wifely duties such as to pleasure their man?? Does all that get cut into half too? I am still sorting this out in my head. Also, so now that you have your own bank account and after you pay your share then what do you do with your money? Just let it accumulate? What about retirement? In the end should a divorce happen the courts are going to split it anyways. So why have diff accounts? I get having money for gifts and simple pleasures but what else can you do with it?
Heather wrote:
I am moving into my boyfriend’s existing home. We each have 3 children from a previous marriage. The only difference is that his children are older and do not have child care expenses. I have child care expenses for my two youngest. Both of us get child support for our children (He has full custody as well). He makes $56,000/yr, I make $35,000/yr. Do I include my child care expenses as part of the household expenses because it will be pulling away from my percentage of expenses/income? I do not expect him to pay half of my child care expenses, but I will not be able to afford as much shared household expenses if I do not have it as part of my percentage. Any advice on what to do?
Madeleine wrote:
I am currently thinking of moving in with my girlfriend. She is slightly older then me and makes more money. Our combined income is high, over $200,000 a year. However we live in a very expensive city. I want to move to a more affordable apartment then the one she currently lives in, since I am not comfortable paying half the rent. She does not want to move. She loves her neighborhood and her apartment is pet friendly etc. I was already feeling resentful of paying half the rent. Though she makes more money then I do (65/35) she has college debt and consumer debt which I don’t have. More than that, I tend to be more inclined to save money then she does. For the most part we divide household duties equally, I do the cooking and she does the cleaning etc. Suze’s advice is the perfect solution. I don’t have to worry every time she buys an expensive purse and she doesn’t have to worry if I go out to dinner with friends. I think an added benefit of this is that it makes you budget. As young professionals, we tend not to dwell on our household budgets as much as married couples, or couples with children. It forces you to examine and discuss how much you spend on groceries, eating out, rent etc.
I understand this doesn’t work for everyone. As I said we have higher than average incomes, so the issue of being able to find a reasonable place to afford to live etc isn’t an issue. If we were only making $50,000 a year combined it would be a challenge and the percentages might need to be adjusted in order to meet basic expenses. We also both work at relatively high paying jobs. As I am younger I can expect my salary to continue to increase while hers will probably remain the same for quite a while. We can revisit each year and adjust the formula.
That being said there are a couple situations where I don’t think percentages will work:
ONE ADULT DOESN’T WORK (Because they stay at home with the children or because they are unemployed, this requires another financial solution).
YOU HAVE A MIXED MARRIAGE (As many of you pointed out, deciding what is a shared expense and what is a personal expense requires you to speak to your spouse and potentially come up with a different formula or arrangement).
YOU ARE STRUGGLING TO MEET BASIC EXPENSES (As I mentioned earlier, if you are unable to pay basic bills using this method you need to come up with another solution).
Blended Family wrote:
I think the percentage idea is the best option for those couples with “out-of-the-box” lives. I’m dating a man with three children which he has 50% of the time, and the first two he is paying minimal child support to their mother and the youngest he is paying 50% of daycare. I have no children. That being said, I ABSOLUTELY AGREE that we each should have our own single banking accounts, but also sharing a mutual joint account based on percentages of our income. This way we are both pooling together our money for the expenses that would accrue out of a “normal” first-time marriage with no children, just a husband and wife combining their lives together.
THIS IS WHY YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOUR SITUATION!!! Because each couple brings different aspects of their lives together as one. Not everyone has children, not everyone is working, not every couple makes the same 50/50 amounts of income.
My Example:
Spouse1 makes $125,000
Spouse2 makes $75,000
Total combined income (annually) $200,000
$125,000/$200,000= 62.5%
$75,000/$200,000= 37.5%
Therefore, if your monthly expenses of the mortgage/rent, utilities and anything else you mutually deem appropriate as a mutual expense total $4,000 then:
Spouse1 pays $2,500 per month out of their $125,000 leaving Spouse1 with $7,900 per month ($125,000/12… minus $2,500) to spend any which way they need or want to outside of the mutual expenses
Spouse2 pays $1,500 per month out of their $75,000 leaving Spouse2 with $4,750 per month ($75,000/12… minus $1,500) to spend any which way they need or want to outside of the mutual expenses
On another note, you could absolutely both add in an extra percentage amount for future expenses (emergency HVAC, unemployment, expecting a child, vacations, etc.). You could also just build up amounts in your own separate accounts and use that based on your own mutually agreed judgment of what works best for each specific situation (i.e., emergency HVAC could be split using the percentages, while a vacation could be split 50/50).
Laura wrote:
I actually find this way of doing it incredibly unfair. The only way that it would ever be fair is if income was directly, and linearly, tied to effort. If that were the case, most people in developing countries should be millionaires by now.
In the case described above, spouse A gets about $5000 per month to spend, whilst spouse B gets about $2000.
Take, for example, the case of my fiance and myself:
*We are from different (both highly developed) countries. Through moving, I am likely to take a paycut of 30-50% and pay multiple thousands of dollars in upgrading my qualifications to make them recognised in his country, as well as paying significant visa fees.
*When I first move, due to visa regulations, I cannot work for the first few months. This means I would effectively get $0 personal money for this time. How do I buy personal products etc?
*After those few months, when I am able to get a job, I will be the main breadwinner, as he will be in school, on a small stipend. Why does he deserve less money from our finances because he is working to build a better life for us and our future children?
*During this time, I will be postponing grad. school (although I am currently doing some part-time) so that I can go out and earn money to support us. This will affect my future earning potential, as I will graduate many years later. Why should I be punished for doing what enabled my family to be in a better financial position in the future?
*We hope to have children in the next few years. Because of our specific circumstances (not gender related!) we have decided that
I will be the parent to take parental leave (and, if possible, stay at home for a couple of years once he is finished with school). Does this mean I deserve no money for being home looking after OUR children? Statistically, when a woman stays home, it affects her future earning potential. Why should I get less money than my spouse, both when I’m staying home when the children are young, and when I re-enter the workforce, because I did the work of looking after them? What if one if us decides to work part time so the children have a parent to come home to? Does that parent deserve less spending money?
We have decided instead to have a joint account for bills, and split the rest equally. So many factors involving the other spouse come into play that it would be completely unfair to reward the spouse who happens to have more opportunities at different points to be developing earning potential.
sandra wrote:
Laura, for someone who is about to get her masters, you are not thinking very logically. Percentage is the fairest way to manage finances.
If a partner is earning 0 income, then they should be expected to contribute 0 (unless you saved up for this situation before, and you are using your savings as a monthly stipend). If that stipend is 10% of the total household income (your partner is making 90% of the money), then you should pay 10% of the household expenses.
What is considered household expenses? Are your moving costs, visa, etc expenses supposed to be included? TALK TO YOUR PARTNER ABOUT THAT. If you come to an agreement, then it will be considered fair by both of you.
John wrote:
@”Blended Family”, in your example, you are following Suze’s formula — each partner in your relationship is paying 24%. 🙂
Sick of the Whining wrote:
Option B or C works for me, which we use a combination of both, we take some bills on personally, and we split some bills 50/50. I don’t think that the percentage method or the joint account plus personal account methods are fair to the higher earner. Hear me out. I’m all for sharing my money with my spouse. If my spouse ever needs money from me, I give it up with no question. The problem with the percentage method and the personal/joint account plus equal spending money methods is this…Spouse A is the higher earner who makes $80,000 per year. Spouse B is the lesser earner who makes $60,000 per year. Why does Spouse A earn more money? Spouse A went to college and then grad school, with the hopes of one day earning enough money to not only provide for a family, but also to enjoy some of the luxuries that life has to offer. Spouse B decided nah–grad school is not for me, I’m satisfied with my $60,000 a year income which I can comfortably live off. Why should Spouse A be penalized by paying a larger percentage of the household bills, leaving Spouse A with less money to spend or invest the way Spouse A wants, simply because Spouse A fell in love with and married Spouse B who has no desire to ever earn more money? I see people on here talking about what is fair. That my friends, is totally unfair. Spouse A is limited to living off of the same disposable income as someone who did not work as hard as Spouse A in order to be able to afford to splurge on some things. As long as Spouse A is responsible for the household and puts in his/her part and makes wise investments choices to benefit the future of both spouses, then Spouse A should be allotted a larger portion his/her own money that he or she earned because Spouse A earned it when Spouse A worked hard…Spouse A should be allowed to buy a little more than Spouse B. If Spouse B wants to buy more stuff or wants equal disposable income, then Spouse B needs to implement a plan to go back to school or become more ambitious in seeking a higer paying job. Any other plan is similar to redistribution of wealth, penalized more for making more. Geez.
Annabel wrote:
My situation is a bit different. I have (at their invitation) moved in with my daughter and son-in-law. She is the money manager for the household. At first we decided to split the bills 3 ways. I am on DIability, my check each month is $1086. I know the cost of rent, but most other expenses are unclear. I don’t know how much either of them makes, but I’m sure it’s a great deal more. Afterpaying my part, I am. left with about $130 to take me thru the month. From that I must pay all personal expenses, prior debts (mostly medical), medications, gas etc. No entertainment, no cable, no shopping, no personage food likes. How do I present my request for percentage sharing without alienating my kids and building resentment and discord in our otherwise wonderful living arrangement?
Kim wrote:
My husband and I have a two year old boy and while my husband is at work 80 hours a week making a career, I am taking care of our son most of the time. I am about to finish my PhD and have been living on scholarship the past four years, which was great as it allowed me to write my PhD for two days and care for our son. At the same time, I could have been done with the PhD much earlier (if we would not have had a child) and could have been an assistant professor by now earning much more.
We’re going through a crisis at the moment and because my husband is angry he insists to split all the bills 50/50. I don’t have a job, no stable income and my scholarship is only until the end of the year. Our son is in daycare only two days a week so I have just two days to look for jobs and finish my PhD. My husband often works weekends, so it very often comes down to me taking care of our son five days in total (3 weekdays and 2 weekend days). On top of that I am doing ALL the household chores, shopping, cooking, cleaning, organizing finances, social outings etc. as aside from work (he is a doctor), there is no time for anything else. I don’t think it is fair at all to divide the bills 50/50, not at least until I am able to work and earn more, but he says I should stay home full time so we don’t have to pay for child care. I tell him he should actually be paying me for taking care of our son as I am not able to make a career right now. I love my job and would love to work 4 days a week, but right now this is not possible. I don’t know if I should just stop trying to have a conversation with him about it and live on my savings (that I had built before we got married) or if I should push harder.
I prefer not to work full-time so I can have 1-2 day week days with our son, but I am getting scared we might end up having a divorce and that I won’t be able to provide for him and me simply because I have been delayed so much in getting my own career going.
micky wrote:
I am getting married in the next few months and need some advice.
He think I should contribute 1/3 of all household expenses. We both each own a home and still paying mortgage on them. His mortgage is $2715 per month and mine is $625 per month (is now become renting property). My income is $50K less than his.
My question is: Is it fair for me to pay 1/3?
Your advice is appreciated!
What can I do? - Page 3 - Saving Advice Forums wrote:
[…] based on what each partner contributes to the household income. You can read about it here: Suze Orman: How to Split the Bills Suze on How to Split the Bills with Different Incomes You said he's offered to pay more anyway, […]
I love him but he can’t financially care for me! | No Love Drama wrote:
[…] Here is a financial resource from Suze Orman that you can use if you are concerned how to manage your money matters as you share a life together with the significant difference in earned […]
Missy wrote:
The relationships seem to be room mates or business partnerships. Where is the love?
Dawn wrote:
My situation is a bit different & any input would be appreciated.
We are 50’s & my B/F has 23 yr old (college & PT employment) & 15 yr old living with him unexpectedly. I will sell my house because it’s not big enough for all of us & we are going to rent together. I make $20,000 more annually, he receives no financial help from the mother, my kids are grown & financially stable.
Do I contribute 1/2? OR should all expenses be divided equally with him responsbile for 3/4 of the main household expenses?
How much do I contribute financially to his children?
Amber wrote:
My fiancé and I have a similar set-up to what’s mentioned in this post, except that we don’t use percentages exactly. He makes around $400 or so more a month than me, so he covers the biggest bill: rent. I cover electricity, cable/internet, car insurance, washer/dryer rental, and groceries. All of that added together is still less than what he pays out (not by a ton, though). He does help out with groceries when he can, but he has other bills of his own that he pays (cell phone, some credit card debt, etc). We’re usually tight on funds, but we like our agreement and make it work. We don’t argue about money, and that’s a plus in my book.
Carla wrote:
For the past twenty years my husband I have both worked and we have joined all of our monies regardless of who made what. (Throughout the years, sometimes he made more and sometimes I did). After I pay all of the bills and put aside the agreed upon amount for savings and our retirement, we split equally what is left to do with what we please. Any purchases coming out of our joint savings account has to be approved by both of us. No one can go in there at will and take out whatever he/she pleases. Since we started this, I can sincerely say we have never had a disagreement about money.
This has worked well for us because we don’t have a lot of unequal debt. Also, we have mutual love, respect and trust for the other and know that we would not hurt each other financially.
Brent wrote:
First things first:
#10, I realize it is now almost 4 years after you posted your story but i’d like to second the response from #14 that said RUN. …so, yeah, I hope you ran. …about 3 1/2 years ago.
All of you that said something along the lines of ‘where is the love’, ‘splitting money is not marriage’, ‘married means joint everything’, etc. are either not married or are lucky enough to have married someone that shares your philosophy on money and finance strategy. Please realize that not all of us are as lucky and stop gloating already.
Anyone whose spouse demands a 50/50 split (or heck ‘demands’ anything for that matter) without at least trying to be reasonable and discuss it should probably consider running like #10 should.
Those of you with the blended family question of ‘how much should I pay for my spouse’s kids’ needs?’ and ‘how much should I ask my spouse to pay for my kid’s needs?’ I say to lump it into the rest of the shared expenses, and if they have a spine they will happily agree. I’m sure they had an idea that the children were in the picture before you got married, right? they should have understood that it is a package deal.
#66: I can follow your logic to a point, but that only works in situations where spouse B intentionally stopped advancing their education and/or career and when spouse B is content with their income. I suppose then that spouse B would probably not care if spouse A spent/invested money that A had earned, so the point would be moot anyway. the problem with that and the idea that it is ‘unfair’ to spouse A is that rarely does spouse B willingly stop advancing their career. a spouse cutting back hours or giving up work entirely to take care of children is not really the same as saying “nah, 60k is plenty for me”. In the case of the rare event that it was willing, i’m saying that spouse A probably knew what he/she was getting into when they got married, and shouldn’t look at it as being ‘penalized’.
My situation is like many listed here, somewhat difficult and not really a candidate for most of the budgeting methods that have been discussed here. All kinds of ideas sound great and should work on paper, but the human element gets involved and everything then gets all muffed up. I am now thinking of different ways to get my spouse to remember what being responsible with money means. I would like to continue to have one account and to be honest I never really consider doing it any other way until recently, when my spouse’s spending starting getting ridiculous, but i’m starting to think that is a pipe dream. I am going to discuss the percent idea soon and see what the spouse thinks, I guess, but who knows if that’ll work. the problem at my house is communication. I may as well tell the dog that we need to talk about major purchases PRIOR to making them and that we should address bills together weekly, for all the good it has done me to try to get my spouse to communicate with me.
my latest ideas are:
1- Keep the joint account and practice financial unity, with the exception of one low-limit credit card that the other cannot view statements for for each of us, for gifts for each other and such
2- Three accounts, one each and one joint. split the bills by the percentage method which are paid from each personal acct, and put a decided upon amount(this could be a fixed number for both or a percentage– i’m not really sure yet) in the joint each month for ‘together’ expenses.
3- Three accounts as before, only with this idea we split the bills to a point that we have the same amount remaining, which equals the same number contributed to the joint expenses and the same amount to pay for our individual mad money accts.
I’m currently leaning toward number three. it is less fair for the bigger earner, but i’m thinkin it will be better for the overall happily ever after part.
Feel free to tell me what any of y’all think, even if it is that I am a dummy.
Mark wrote:
My girlfriend and I are having arguments about this same thing. We broke up a while ago and we had setup child support payments (one 2 yr old together). We had it set up so we could make sure everything is documented. Well, we decided to give it another try (for our family) and we are running into arguments. The state says even though we are together, they cannot stop the support. what she wants is an even 50/50 split of the bills moving forward. she wants me to pay 50/50 even though she is getting child support on top of that. Her explanation is that I should not take into account the child support because that is for our son. Am i wrong here when I say it should be more like 30/70 or something like that since I am paying support? If I am wrong I just need to understand as I feel I am getting ripped off but know that sometime I can be stubborn and just need to hear it from outside advice. thanks.
Amnando wrote:
I wish I knew this a long time ago. My otherhalf made $41,000 last year and I made only $19,000, so he’s making more than double of what I make and we were splitting bills 50/50. I was living paycheck to paycheck and trying to make ends meet. I had two jobs and and I was hardly home and tired from working both jobs trying to pay my bills. This formula made PERFECT sense. He had so much money left over from his checks that he ate out every day and would splurge on anything that he wanted. When it came to birthday presents for familiy or Christmas, I could only afford birthday cards. Sometimes I couldn’t. Because of this formula, I have extra money. I’m not stressing about paying my bills now. I don’t have to use grace periods when paying the bills. Since I have the extra money, I pay them right away. I totally recommend this formula.
Mesa Crates wrote:
Really does any of it matter? Women control the finances. They always do.
And with men biologicall having the obligation to cater to woman, its all to easy for that to be taken advantage of.
People need to just focus on not fighting or being mad about anything.
Dale wrote:
#77. Hope you don’t let your GF play you. If I were you, child support would need to be terminated immediately. And in the meantime, I would subtract the child support amount from the percentage of cash I’m allocating for the bills and let her use the Child support to pay your part of the bills when she receives it. Especially, if you are paying through the courts. If she doesn’t think that sounds reasonable, you guys need to end it now. She is being selfish. This not YOUR SONS money. He should have money when you are at risk of jail time if you should get behind? She can’t have it both ways or have you hemmed up for child support and be in a relationship and living together. I wouldn’t go for it. Child support is supplemental income to care for the child as if both parents are in the home. And in this case, both parents ARE in the home. She is just trying to throw more of the financial responsibility on you. Perhaps punishment, or fear of you guys breaking up again. Maybe she knows you’re just a sucker. Some women like to play these games. And say its about “the kids” when its really about them. Don’t be a pansy and stand your ground. You both should be willing to do what’s fair and best for your family. Who’s idea was to set up child support for “documentation” purposes? Hers? That’s about the the dumbest thing I ever heard. Now the state is easily in your business.
Dale wrote:
#77 I also noticed that the state is saying that they can’t stop child support. Is she getting food stamps or some other assistance? Otherwise, I’ve never heard of that. More reason why I would’ve never volunteered for child support. Once, they have you that’s it. If that is in fact what you did? It seems like you may need to get married. So if you are trying to make it work. I would A) take one for the the team (or your son), for now, and just give her the money. or B) if its cheaper for you to live separate, move out. Because if you take one for the team now. there is a likelihood that your contribution won’t change once you are married. C)combine your income and make child support one the household bills that you pay jointly. Nobody wins and she should share the responsibility. In the end the money all ends in the same place. When you guys get tired of that, you may decide to get married and eliminate child support all together.
7 wrote:
In response to #77.. include the child support you pay in the household bills then. If she does not agree, she doesn’t have your family’s (nor your) best interest at heart. I could NEVER be with someone that illogical. MOVE ON. File for visitation through the courts and continue to strengthen your relationship with your child.
7 wrote:
*Sorta what Dale said.. LOL
Jann wrote:
After 29 years of marriage, know facing the possibility of diviorce, my spouse has take half of all funds in bank accounts. With this transaction I was forced to close and reopen account in my name only. Now he believes that all bills should be split 50/50. I do not agree, after 29 years of marriage, with me staying home kids for first 10 yrs, the transitioned into part time work, which eventually became full time. My spouse has always made at least 70% of income, so now he thinks it should be 50/50 and I believe after 29 years it should be based on % of income. He seems to forgotten who had the $$$ that gave us the start, or who contributed close $40,000 from parents gifts. OPINIONS???
tobevisible wrote:
#84, I have a similar case. Together 22years, married 16. My husband always controlled our money. He had his account and we had a joint for my paycheck. I never saw his money ever. He refused, he was very private and still is. He loved spending money and we are in major debt. Leased cars yearly, bought boats, snowmobiles etc.
When I stopped working to relocate for his job on 3 occasions, things got tight. I tried this technique of spitting 70% vs 30% (me) but it never worked out, he refused. But my income was the splurge account for the kids clothes, activities, birthdays, eating out etc. Now he was using credit for everything and the kids and I were just getting by. He provided money for groceries and their monthly resp. My parents would give me spending money if I needed some clothes for us.
Recently hubby decided he wants to divorce because I DID NOT WORK and we are in debt. He blames me for this. Not his actions for putting us in debt. I spent all my salary to upkeep things when I worked. He spent his to buy big toys to make him happy, he would say they are for the family but we didn’t want them or the debt. He mostly enjoyed his activities with his friends except for boating that we did do as a family but that was only 1 of his many $ sports.
Oh and yes my family gave us about $100K over our marriage. That money is in our 6th home now. Since we are selling (as he wants a divorce), the money will go to pay off all the debts.
He still has his big income, I just got a job making 1/3 of what he makes (got work 1yr after we moved back to a town I can legally work in).
So lesson learned. If you don’t communicate properly, have no respect for others opininos and have different expectations it’s a problem waiting to happen.
Yes I should have put my foot down when he said his salary is his (pay off toys for the family to enjoy) and my salary is ours, but I was young and silly in love. I gave up my identity for my family, for my husband to climb the work ladder. And when money got tight and I didn’t work (legally couldn’t cause of where we moved), he didn’t like it, so he went to female 3rd parties to seek comfort and then he decided to just leave me and the kids, and blame it all on me for not working. Also he wants to guilt trip me saying I’m trying to mess him up by asking for too much legally in the separation. I am only asking for what I am entitled to, to care for me and the kids. He wants to just divorce and start fresh without any consequences. That upsets me!
Life is not fair but we have the chance to learn from our mistakes and make a new start. Good luck to all!
VP wrote:
Actually Suze’s plan is very good and fair only if both parties agree. My wife doesn’t agrees to anything. Few years ago she use to make I think $6000 a year and I used to make $100000 more than 16 times she used to make but she will complaint to me that I am not making enough money. I never used to count her money for anything but she wanted all the money I was making available to her to buy all the expensive brands. For example Once she bought two coach bags together. When I ask her to control expenses she says I am not spending your money and I do not care about your money. When I ask her that the home expense is $8000 per month including $3000 mortgage and I am paying all.
Now I am making $170, 000 a year and she is making I guess $12000 per month. Now her expenses have increased many fold. I am responsible to everything including her personal expenses and shopping. Recently I asked her about where is she putting her salary and she fought with me saying that I am after her money. Then she told me that what she earns is her money and she is saving. I am at loss. I know that if I start talking to her again she will make life hell again. If I am strict she starts talking about divorce and says All I own she has share (half) of it which is true legally. We have a daughter together who will be going to college in Septempber and intend to fund her college which adds atleast $33000 every year. But I know that if I start asking my wife to control the spending and start contributing based on Suze’s formula she will fight back. Now, seeing the mom, kids also spend money like there is no limit to the money.
Wish me good luck folks.
NB wrote:
Those who say this is a horrible plan, you do realize that one of the top reason for divorce is MONEY? It’s because spending habits with couples sometimes differ dramatically. You may have one partner that is “greedier” then the other and may drain a joint account. My wife and I do the percent split because I make almost double what she does. So if I want to spend $2000 on a computer with my own money since she doesn’t use the computer that much, I can do it without hearing any argument from her. If she wants to splurge on something she can and it doesn’t affect the joint finances. We do have more bank accounts to manage because we each have our own separate account and a joint “household” account that we pool money into for all joint expenses (bills, entertainment, travel). This has worked for us for 15 years!
This plan won’t always work as it depends on the couples compatibility and willingness to try it. We thought it was the most fair especially when there is a such a huge gap between incomes or one partner likes to shop while the other wants to save.
Who will have nothing left? wrote:
Most of you dummies must understand that 50/50 won’t work. Think about it, what if the spouse that earns the lesser of the two income can’t cover 50% of the shared expenses? How would they pay?
Forget all the various combinations of mixed family members, investment homes, etc. DECIDE what the shared expenses are first and pay that, so both can have what ever is extra for their own spending needs.
And please, to the person in #66 who said:
“Why should Spouse A be penalized by paying a larger percentage of the household bills, leaving Spouse A with less money to spend or invest the way Spouse A wants, simply because Spouse A fell in love with and married Spouse B who has no desire to ever earn more money?”
This is a stupid comment. If Spouse A fell in love with a deadbeat in Spouse B, then that was their mistake to get married wasn’t it.
Ellen wrote:
My husband and I have been married before. He has 2 kids from previous marriage and I have one. He bought a house prior to our marriage and refuses to add my name to the title.
We are both retired, have investments and share in the expenses. He expects me to pay half the mortgage. I keep telling him this is unfair. It is not my house. Why should I pay for it? I feel that if he had faith in our marriage, he would put my name on the house. He did put it in his will that I can live here as long as I live with the house going to his kids after I die.
He is contributing about 60% and I am contributing 40%. Does this seem fair?
Nicole wrote:
This article is very apropos in situations where couples aren’t married, IMHO. For example, as a single mother with two children 50% of the time, I’m expected to pay 2/3 rent and my boyfriend pays 1/3 of the rent. (He expects the child support I receive to go toward rent). He also insists on every other expense to be covered an even 50/50. But I don’t find 50/50 fair in my situation due to the income gap. We both work from home – he’s a salaried employee who makes over $150K annually (he also has a side business that brings in more) and I work 40 hours a week as a contractor for $40K a year. He’s since paid off his debt and is paying now towards his retirement, whereas I have no chance of putting money toward retirement due to the financial burden of 2/3 rent and 50/50 on utilities, eating out, travelling places, etc. Everyone I’ve spoken to does not feel it’s right for my boyfriend to only pay 1/3 rent and insist everything be covered 50/50 given the income disparity. This article confirms what to me seems far more fair. I am after all, paying a far higher percentage than he is at less than a 1/3 of his income. I live frugally and am not interested in taking advantage of him in any way. I just want what is actually fair. So, what is actually fair in my situation?
cathy wrote:
Hello!!! this was brilliant!!!! thsnk you soooo much!!! we are a much more organized and budget conscious couple now that we can do this. we both work and now none of us are totally broke after paying the bills because our expenses were split fairly!!! awesome!
Debbie wrote:
My husband and I agree with the percent contribution concept and have followed it and works well for us. I lost my job last year but continued to contribute the 40% I always had, even after my severance ran out, so I basically drew on savings to meet this contribution. I am considering a job opportunity that will pay less than what I have been earning historically. Which leaves me with the question – when figuring out the percent contribution, should it be based on net pay or gross pay?
Anita wrote:
My husband never contributed to mutual expenses (mortgage, daycare, utilities) and I have substituted his credit card payments as his spending has always been more than he made. His reasoning for why I should contribute was that he bought things for the family. I have been paying for full-time daycare so that he can focus on his career as he did not want to be a stay-at-home dad. When we got married (7 years ago) we had relatively equal incomes – but only the 1st year. He essentially stopped putting effort in his work and his income diminished. At first I was struggling to pay all bills by myself, now it’s easier as I became a high earner, but I just had it. I may have reached the point of no return. I am asking him to get a job so that he can pay his bills and it would be lovely if at least he contributes to 2 months of mortgage and 2 months of daycare in a year or move out. Gave him a half year to figure it out. Divorce would be quite costly for me. But I guess sanity may be worth it? What would you do?
Anonymous wrote:
Suze Ormans method works very well for us. All household expenses are split by % of income down to our grocery budget. We load a joint account with that money and never fight over what is or is not left over. My wife came into our marriage with significant school loans and credit debt. She also makes less income. If we were to split finances 50/50, she would have no expendable income. The best way to ruin a marriage is to feel trapped financially.
David wrote:
Each situation is different so I think it depends on the couple and their agreement(together and individually). Personally, I feel the only thing that should definitely be split equally is the essential bills that should be split 50/50 regardless of each persons income. You should have a joint account for bills(mortgage,household bills,food,child expenses)necessities which obviously both contribute equal amounts to,and your own separate personal accounts,which only you have access.If you want that Harley or Lui Vatton purse(which are personal wants not needs) that comes out of your own pocket.No way should the spouce be responsible/paying for someone’s elses frivelous personal(wants) spending habits/debts.This way if the couple splits its 1/2 way down the middle on the essentials not the wants because each has contributed to the “necessities” 50/50.
I make 50k/yr and my wife makes double,so if I’m paying a percentage on my earnings towards the necessities,ie.1/4 to 1/3 of the bills,if we divorce should I be claiming ” what mine is yours” and vice versa? No! I would only expect what I put into it.None of this ” I want the car,half the house,this much alimony/month etc.thats BS! You get what you put into it. I would only expect the 1/4 to a 1/3 of what I paid into,not half. I am paying half of the necessities and if we were to divorce right now the amount of money I put into the necessities,I would only want what I contributed so far.Not half of everything because the law says I’m entitled to,because I haven’t paid my full half share yet.All other joint purchases would be negotiable.We both purchased our own vehicles,so should we be responsible for each others payments? No.Thats your own personal “want” not “needs”
As far as it goes to someone being a stay at home parent,that’s usually a choice.So if I was to stay at home and cook,clean(which I already do the majority of),take care of the children if there were any and my wife was to be the sole bread winner,should I be expecting an allowance from her for this,like a kept man? Or expect alimony/everything split down the middle if we divorce because I did all the domestic house chores? No.The only thing that I think would be fair is to make sure the children have child support. If I wanted money,I would earn it.
People need to take more personal responsibility for themselves and be more self reliant,instead of being so spoiled and feeling they’re “entitled” to everything.If we focused more on the essential needs and less on the wants(material,social,financial status) and simplified our lives I think we as a whole would be happier.Peace
Marie wrote:
please help” I was married 33 yrs and he was a great provider, we had 2 kids togather a home …well we divorced I got the home, which I couldn’t afford on my own , met a new man, fell in love and he suggested I sell my home,, bad timing, I lost 155,000 cash walked with 51 grand..I should of rented it, but new husband said sell it , market wil never get better, worst time to sell because 2 yrs later it’s worth more then we bought it for, anyways I now live in his house” it will never be mine, I’m afraid if something happen I’d be homeless, his adult kids get everything, he said he will leave me 20% of his pension, about 60 grand, kids get rest..he does not allow me to chip in but I do buy things here n there to make it nice, I feel like I made a huge mistake and I’m stuck in a marriage where we have nothing togather, his excuse , he has to pay his x money till he dies thou he has money, so should I walk away, I feel like I’m worth 20% and I’m a great person…my x would take me back in a min, but we divorced for good reasons..I don’t make much money I’m 56 yrs old and confused as to why a husband would not care to help his wife, his excuse is I help you when I can ? Any advice , I’d like a mans view more so…thanks for any help
Tamara Garcia wrote:
This works for my family. We split everything 75/25. I don’t make a lot but I do want to contribute as much as I can and this is percet… for us.
Chris wrote:
Marie
32 years is a long time to be married. My take on the situation is what you get in a married you are in it 50/50. That being said you should go over your bills together setting up a budget. If dividing it up is fine too! What ever works. Both people have to work together. I generally do all of our household finances. My wife has no idea what we pay for bills a month. I have been trying to get her to sit down and do a budget with me. But not interested. I would like to pay down debt. After 6 years of her working as a stay at home mom she found a job! Great she can help pay off debt. Hers and mine. She is not interested. So today she told me she wants to split the bills 50/50. Shouldnt both of our debts be included or separate them? She doesn’t want to know what it’s for just a total! Paying bills is time consuming when only one is doing it in the marriage
Andy wrote:
For the person that made the comment about what do you do with a blended family.. You got involved with the person and knew they had kids, it should be a package deal. If you didn’t want to help take care of the kids, why invest in the relationship? The kids will be a part of their parents life forever. Unless you just don’t want a relationship with the kids. This doesn’t make sense. How is this a happy outcome for everyone? It sounds like it is a happy outcome for you though. Seems selfish
Andrew wrote:
Marie/#96,
Hopefully you check back here to see my comment.
I think the first thing to take away from all this and this article is to talk about finances before getting married. I know that won’t make your marriage problem free but it should open up the conversation about finances and help you to understand your partner better before making the big commitment.
Marie, about your husband. I am wondering how many kids he has. If he has 4 then he is just splitting his pension equally between you and the kids. It does sound like he cares more about the kids than you at this point but at the same time you can understand his thought process of splitting things equally. On the other hand I would argue that his kids are younger and will not need as much as you if he passes away because the kids will still be working. If you can I would approach him with what you think you will need monetarily if he dies. The kids should still be working but you will most likely not be. If he wants to leave you with less than you need than that is not right unless you have screwed something up to deserve that.
JOHNNIE wrote:
My husband brings in $6200 a month to my $2650 a month but only wants me to use only $3600 of his salary to figure up bills.
EXAMPLE:HIS: $1400 SOCIAL SECURITY MINE: $1385 SOCIAL SECURITY
$1950 RETIREMENT $1265 RETIREMENT
$3350 TOTAL $2650 TOTAL
He works part time as a retiree which brings in $1400 a month which I can not use to figure bills. And he also does lawn service which we both started and now he says this is his money since I don’t work out in the hot sun with him. But I wash all of his uniforms, caps, socks,clean up all the grass and debris he brings into the house. So if bills are $2000 for the month I subtract it from the total of our two social security and retirement checks and then divide the difference in half. That means I have $2000 left and he has $2000 plus $1400 from the part time job and plus about $1400 a month he makes from the lawn service. He adamantly believes I deserve nothing from the lawn service which I have been with him through thick and thin.
Jay wrote:
The bill percentage system does not work and I will tell you why. Couples paying bills on a percentage basis makes one person lazy when paying bills. In my case, it has always been my spouse. Both myself and wife make over 100K, but I make 50% more than her. I pay the larger bills(mortgage, taxes, etc.), while she does the small things(i.e.: cable, light, food). I have a child from a previous relationship in which I pay all expenses as it does not have anything to do with her(i.e: child support, medical, extracurricular activities, etc). For the past couple of years, our incomes have increased due to both job changes and promotions, but I have noticed her spending has increased on nonessentials(shoes, clothes, jewelry, etc.) Because of this, there has been several times in which I’ve had to cover her expenses for both household items and vacations b/c she simply not conscious of her spending, which led to her not covering her portion whatsoever.
Percentages make the other spouse lazy when paying bills. Percentages are fine if it is a temporary solution. Percentages should be a reminder to the other person that while he/she is not contributing their fair share, they should work on it. Percentages create complacement where he/she will not work any harder b/c he/she is fine with everything currently.
Percentages are basically a penalty to the partner in which have work hard to get to where they’re at and it shouldn’t be fair. I am always reminded that I make more, so I should pay more…which is fine for a time. But if the other person abuses this, then why should the higher earner
50/50 keeps both partners honest about household bills.
kate wrote:
robinson.buckler @ yahoo. com…… restored my relationship, my boyfriend came back to me, i took him back and I am now settled with my him.
Wesley Moore wrote:
All of you on here are SO WRONG! Suze’s formula rocks esp for Married couples this way you know for SURE that your monthly expenses were paid. The only thing she left out was that you two have to sit down and find out what your monthly expenses are for the past 12 months top get your monthly expenses. she also left out that you should have 3 bank accounts one in your name one in your partners name and one joint account for monthly expenses at at the end of the month any money you have left over you get get on qVC and shop up a storm and he can buy golf clubs or tech toys. and some of you women on here babbles on until HELL FROZE OVER! good luck ladies!!
Gigi wrote:
My boyfriend and I just move in to a rental home. We discussed that we should split the rent, utilities down to groceries.
First, I calculated the bills I had to pay monthly when I was leaving alone and decided it’s fair at that time .
But now, it seems it’s not fair.. His 2 sons ( 18 and 13 yrs old) living with us 50% of the time, they consumed more if the foods( groceries) and more laundry and shower .. Simply put 3 to 1 living in one house but I have to pay half of the responsibilities ( not to mentioned cooking) By the way, he’s making over $100K a year
Whereas I only make a fraction of his income. When we have an argument, it was so easy for him to say to me that I need to move out which booth our names on the lease..
Here’s the questions: what do you consider half responsibility ( rent, utilities and food) in my situation
And 2nd: by law what is my right about the rental house with both our names ..?
I need an advice desperately..
Sincerely
Gigi
Paul wrote:
Here’s the way I look at this. Any percentage split other than 50/50 is unfair to one of the two in a couple. If I go to the store and buy a loaf of bread and then my wife goes to the store and buys the same loaf, the store doesn’t charge her less because she makes less. If I pay 72% of the cost for that loaf isn’t 72 % of it mine? Therefore I should be eating more of the bread correct? or am I just giving away 22% out of fairness? When it comes to income we all know there are higher paying jobs than others and if you choose one that pays less then wasn’t that your choice to accept that a higher percentage of your income will go to pay for bills? or was the thought process “I’ll get someone else to pay the difference?” I hear all the time that a marriage is a partnership and I believe that is should be so how many patnerships require partners to be accept less that the others?
Debbie Lynn wrote:
My husband and I have been married for 32 years. He was forced into retirement 6 years ago and hasn’t gotten a job. He does have a small retirement income. So he has insisted to divide 70/30 while I work full time and he has time at home. It would be fine if some jobs were completed at home. But nothing gets done unless I write a list. It is creating a huge problem. He has so much time while I work full time. He is totally capable of working a job but choses not to. What can I do to change the way things are going.
Jay wrote:
I live with my mom and sister; so not having to argue about who pays this much rent, the light bill, energy bill or cable/Internet, we now add up ALL SHARED HOUSEHOLD BILLS and split by percentages based on how much we all make a month. Using Suze’s concept has helped my family tremendously!Now we can argue about other things rather than MONEY! lol
Joint account - nope wrote:
I know that some couples do not split finances in a marriage whatsoever. I’ve heard the comments both in real life and on this board that not combining finances 100% is somehow “only testing the waters” of marriage. My parents always had some combined funds, but each also had personal accounts also. They kept things that way 40 years. That’s hardly “testing the waters”: Are joint account only people aware that if a spouse passes away, joint accounts can get hung up for MONTHS in probate court while debts are settled? What about assets and debts the person had before the marriage? That may not be an issue if you marry very young, but some of us come into it with investment accounts, children, houses, etc. Suppose you marry someone who racked up 20 grand in credit card debt before you even met? Who wants to pay that off? Not me! And in my home state I wouldn’t be legally responsible to either. Likewise, I do not expect my spouse to pay any of my student loan debt I came into the marriage with. Some people don’t like to pay bills- or at least “forget” to account for them before they spend their whole paycheck. I know one wife who actually hangs the bills on the refrigerator “college roomie style”; as in $150/2= $75 susan, $75 Ed written in red pen on each bill. This was necessary as without seeing the bill “Ed” acted as if she was requesting the money each month just to line her pockets- he grossly underestimates what it costs to run the household. Separate accounts with maybe a joint account for bills is necessary when one person is clueless with money. Doesn’t mean we don’t love them, just means we don’t want to end up with a new stereo instead of having heat for the month.
BarryThoms wrote:
I am stunned by all the people saying this is a bad strategy for married couples! Being married means you respect your partner and treat them fairly. This strategy accomplishes that. It’s a set it and forget it approach that removes any resentment. If one person starts to resent the other in this situation, then you’ll know you’re in a bad partnership and you should start looking for an exit strategy.
My guess is that the folks that say ALL IN have some outdated ideas on how people should live in today’s world.
David wrote:
People saying split 50/50 are young and living in a fantasy world. As a business person married to a business person, we both make good six figure incomes and divide on estimated percentages of our incomes. We have separate and shared rental properties, and businesses. If expenses are $10,000 a month and you spend all your hard earned income paying because it is 50/50, and you partner spends 20% of their income and is able to save 80%, that is being foolish. But do what works for you.
Why Couples Should Split Expenses by How Much They Make - MEL Magazine wrote:
[…] and what percentage of your income that is, and that’s what you pay in household bills. Here’s a breakdown from the finance site Money Musings, drawing from the example financial guru Suze Orman advised a […]
Why Couples Should Split Expenses by How Much They Make - Dollar Shave Club Original Content wrote:
[…] and what percentage of your income that is, and that’s what you pay in household bills. Here’s a breakdown from the finance site Money Musings, drawing from the example financial guru Suze Orman advised a […]
Andrea Varani wrote:
Being married is being all in..in every way. say you split fiances based on income percentages should you split household and kid responsibilities the same way? Women will get short end of the stick on this Not commingling everything from the beginning is a mistake and most women that are naturally givers will lose and guys take advantage. Don’t start a family with a husband that is not all in from the beginning with every penny both of you had before marriage being both legally joint.
Renae wrote:
I agree with this formula, even if you are married! I was married for 17 years, children, houses, yes HOUSES, etc. I had a terrible injury, and surgery. He left and took me for A LOT of money. You NEVER know what someone WILL do. We both worked very hard, saved, invested, etc. Now I am with someone new, and I am using this. NO MORE joint accounts. Just because you are married, and you are now ONE doesn’t mean you stop looking out for your finances and for yourself. I did just that, I put 100% trust into my marriage, and never would have thought he would have done something like that to me. So for the person who suggested, “if you are married I would question why you are doing this” because it is #1. taking control of your own finances #2 protecting yourself and also your loved one. Looking back I realize we should have used separate accounts and perhaps a joint to pay the bills. This is especially true if you are married for a second, third time. I am now in my 40’s and I will not lose everything I have worked for in a second marriage. This happened to my aunt, a surgeon, her second marriage she lost everything. Brilliant woman but didn’t protect her own finances.
John wrote:
Most of what I’ve read in the comments leads me to wonder why most of you got married in the first place. For 98% of my current marriage and my first marriage I paid all of the bills regardless of how much my wives made. My current wife did go through a time where she insisted on paying for some things, but has since stopped working. While she does have her own checking account it is something she’s always had her while life. I never question it and I have no idea how much she has in it unless she informs me that it needs some love. On my side of the equation, I’ve always had a joint checking account. So that’s just normal to me.
I could not imagine marrying somebody with The Art of the Deal running through my head. I’m marrying the love of my life, not two companies. I now make 10x’s what I made when we got together. That’s part of the reason she quit working. But we (she mostly) watch our grandchildren so that our kids can do more with work, school and fun time.
If you have to negotiate this kind of stuff you probably aren’t in a place to get married yet. Work on your lives and if you were meant to be you’ll have a much happier life.
gloria wrote:
After reading all kind of scenarios here it’s clear
the defenders of the 50/50 Split are mostly the
big earners, who want their partner with a much
smaller income to pay the same amount, evenly
for bills , leaving their partner with little left for
their needs —- deplorable when someone can’t
fill a prescription needed for eye glasses, to buy
deodorant, tooth paste, underwear, & cloths,
shoes to be presentable at work —— leaving
partner struggling month to month & creating
resentment that will only grow & end in a wake
up to divorce !!! Good way to show love, making
the other feel less than …!!!!
I am all for fairness, so let’s leave aside the
stupid argument & finger pointing “you stop-
ped your studies to go further…. Blah, blah
blah !
I wonder if this was not to take care of YOUR
OWN child & making 2nd wife to care for,
forcing the situation on her & then blaming wife
for working less hrs. & resenting her for bring /
ing less money, etc..It seems to me, that partner
needs to get fairly, market price $ compensation
for childcare, THEN, you can enforce the 50/50
your way !
It seems this man just wants it both ways… Take
care of my child at home so I do not have to pony
up Childcare from my PERSONAL checking $$ # ,
I can keep more of my disposable money, while
You WORK FREE for me, BUT still need you to pay
equally amount for all common bills !!
Of course, this does not put any value on household
work, like time spent cooking, cleaning, changing
beds, shopping, laundering, sorting, folding, ironing
& all the minutia that involves to have a house running
The only thing I would go for EQUALLY, 50/50
perhaps is on the MORTGAGE payments.
That is bec’ IF there were any split, then each
has equal assets built in in that & hopefully
recover when selling property, better yet at
a gain !
If House is owned previously by one of the
partners, & you want to bring the other
into the TITLE as equally mortgage paying
partner now, make sure that title STATES up
the % owned by one of them … let’s say here,
owner of home has 30% build up of the100%
M Loan . This means there is a 70% that you
start splitting in equals payments together
from now on , 50:50.
In the event of divorce, one partner owns his
Original investment of 30% of the PURCHASE
VALUE & the 70% of the NEW TITLE now : into
2 parts, each owning 35% of the build up
assets & future sales minus expenses: Comm-
issions, repairs , etc. needed for the sale …
So, original owner has 30% as single ownership,
& 35% in the new Tittle for 2 of property,
equals to 65% & new spouse 35% of the prop-
erty ownership !
PROPERTY TAX could be included on this,
provided the other partner can afford the
50/50, otherwise use the % , specially when
the salary gap between spouses are 30%
above the lesser earner !
I would do 50:50 on about equals earners,
& would use % to split common bills
(consumption) in a disparaged spouses
income .. such utilities: water, trash collect-
tion, energy, internet. Food, cleaning supplies,
yard work, window cleaning, plumbing work,
purchases of appliances needed : washer,
dryer, broken AC, garbage disposal, entertain-
ing, etc . Essentially, money that goes for
services or else, that will never be recovered …
Personal expenses should be : Childcare for
YOUR child, your DEBTS & LOANS, Your CAR
insurance, your toys, gas , telephone IF in
individual bill …
I wouldn’t never allow my partner who is the
big earner, walk all over me just bec’ he is
making it known constantly, demeaning the
spouse, YET, having the guts to use & abuse
HER CAR, so he can SAVE GAS in his
EXPENSIVE car, SAVE mileage & further
depreciation on his !!! IF he can afford the
insurance for the car sitting pretty in the
garage, HE CAN pay for gas, oil, tires &
maintain car as needed, instead of letting
partner shoulder these COSTS on her car,
depreciating it much faster all the while
under HER MONEY , while he is getting all
these benefits …That is pure abuse & taking
advantage openly !!! What kind of a man or
spouse is this, for this matter ?
You shouldn’t be married at all ! Live on your
own .. Don’t go into marriage to disparage
your partner or bec’ you want to take advant-
age of the weaker. That shows no morals..
no love, but a financial advantage that clearly
only benefits one partner !
It gets me when these are 2nd marriages,
bringing a blended family.. How do you pay
mortgage .. etc.., How to be fair ?
Maybe consider how many bedrooms house
has. Do you need to get an EXTRA bedroom
to house ONE-TWO of your Spouse’s kids 1/2
time?
Do you have to shelter your own full time ?
So, if both sides need to provide an extra
bedroom for their children at all times , —-
full or part time —- the fact that you purchase
a home under such considerations , this extra
$ sq ft. should be divided accordingly or at least
a bit higher perhaps if you are the one bringing
a child into the home !
Nothing better than having the conversation
ahead of time . Children are non negotiable &
a package deal. Do not expect things to get
better if he is reluctant to give love & support
to them now, when things are easy … If he is
stingy, don’t expect him to change later .. .
If 50:50 is not viable for the lesser earner,
you need to adjust then to a reasonable %
that feels FAIR to both parts equally, having
some disposable to get personal items, other
wise you are headed for total resentment &
feeling taking advantage of as told here many
times over ! You enter a partnership under
love first, so discuss & agree on these issues
while love is at the height & find your formula
to succeed, change it accordingly to life
events … Agreed when to have a child, who
stays home to care for & time off the job, the
Lack of that salary, how can you maintain
your bill contribution ( find this expectation
nuts !!! ). Even if this partner has savings…to
use savings to CONTINUE BILLS pay, seems
unfair to leave that person in the cold with
nothing to fall on later in case of an emergency,
Just bec’ he/she is taking care of your child,
while you BOTH ARE the PARENTS, but leaving
one at the mercy of the earning spouse & to
exercise full control over the other perhaps,
demeaning , pressuring, bashing the no earner !
That is cruel & sad in my book & unacceptable.
Just like the woman who wants BF at home,
making him SIGN for CHILD SUPPORT &
still making him pay 50:50 of all bills….
The expenses coming from child, be Formula,
Food, clothing , etc are all included ALREADY
on the 50:50 .. Why does she needs child
support on top of this ? She is making him
pay TWICE for the child together.
It seems unlawful to make someone pay
child support when LIViNG TOGETHER…
Isn’t child support made for the spouse
Who LEFT HOME, to support the one left
behind with the caring child ? You are
living there, make FULL FINANCIAL
CONTRIBUTION, hands on hopefully with
your child, paying bills 50:50, child support,
etc.
Just curious if she works & pays child
CARE, is this expense part of the common
bills ? If it’s … She is taking you to the
Cleaners at every level, double dipping !
She seems greedy, unreasonable & if she is
taking FOOD STAMPS is cheating us, tax-
Payers & needs to be reported to gov. as get
ting his UNREPORTED monies on top of gov
help. !!!
She is trying to secure herself by scaring &
pressing this unmarried man beyond decency!
HE needs to leave this situation, pay
childcare, build a bond/relation with child
while you rebuild your own life … Save that
50% you give her… Rent a Room, save &
get back on your feet … & do not let a person
like her derail your future bec’ of controlling,
insecurities & greediness issues !
Best luck 🍀 to us all …